Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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