I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
