the new term for farting is butt boxing.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
