Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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