so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
