She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize