I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
