woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize