I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
