He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
