he puts the penis in happiness.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize