Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
