i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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