The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
