Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
