Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
