ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize