they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
