i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
