she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
