i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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