Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
