just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Floor bacon is actually really good
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
