I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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