My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
