Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
