so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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