it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
