i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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