I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
