Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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