Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His nipple licking is glorious
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