The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
