i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
