well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
