Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize