I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
