this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
