U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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