Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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