ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
