just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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