it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
