I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize