at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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