My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
