C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
