i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
