I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
