My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize