At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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