It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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