Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
