Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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