I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
