mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
