There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
