Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
