Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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