I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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