If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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