Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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