my mouth tastes like poor choices
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
