Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think your dad took our porno
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
