Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
