final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
