does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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