i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
