you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
