that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
