happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
be right there i have to get my cape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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