I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
