I think I won the penis lottery.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize